Let Me Take Care of You
by Dirreth
Summary: After making Cas erase Lisa and Ben's memories of him, Dean is heartbroken. Will he try to drown his feeling in alcohol or he will let someone help him go through this?


_I wrote this after watching again "Let It Bleed" (S06E21) and being too much of a Dean girl I felt the urge to give him some comfort :D The story starts at the end of the episode :) Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes :) _

_And I want to thank one special person for her advice not to change the story and leave it as it is. :) _

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><p>He got in the car and I was shocked. For first time I was seeing Dean Winchester so close to tears, so close to the breaking point. And we've been together through a lot of shit. My heart ached for him. I couldn't imagine what he was going through. Making Lisa and Ben forget about him… it let him heartbroken. I just couldn't imagine how he got the strength to do it. They were literally the best thing in his life. And he gave up on that for their protection and safety. I knew he was worried-sick for them when Crowley got them but never expected that move from him.<p>

And having a crush on him since forever wasn't making the situation easier. After Sam had jumped in the pit Dean had kept his promise and had gone to Lisa… It had left me heartbroken but I had encouraged him. For that one year he had spent with them I'd been regularly checking on him, hidden in the shadows and I'd been both happy and devastated to see him happy with them. But it had been a good year for him and he deserved it. In that time I had hunt solo not aware of Sam's resurrection. Then Dean had called me and told me. Since that moment everything went downhill for him. It led him to that choice to let Lisa and Ben go. It was really tearing me apart to see him struggling with his emotions, trying to move on after his loved ones no longer remembered him.

"If you ever mention Lisa and Ben to me again, I will break your nose" Dean growled to Sam and I cringed on the back seat of the Impala.

"Dean…" Sam tried to say something but his brother cut him off

"I'm not kidding"

Sam was about to protest again but Dean gave him a look, his eyes suspiciously watery so Sam just nodded. Dean closed the car door and we drove off.

The road to Bobby was spent in utter heavy silence. When we got there Dean quickly climbed of the car.

"Dean" I pleadingly called after him trying to catch up with him "Dean, wait…"

But he wasn't listening. He stormed into the house leaving me and Sam alone. We exchanged worried looks. I bit my lip trying to control my emotions. Dean was the one who lost his beloved ones, why was I the one about to cry? Maybe it was because my heart ached for him. He didn't deserve that, I wanted to go and hug him, give him some comfort. But he was going to reject me the same way he rejected his brother.

"Hey, you okay?" Sam gently asked

"I'm more worried about your brother" I quietly retorted and looked at Sam's warm hazel eyes full of concern "I'll try talk to him. But you need to keep Bobby and all of that Purgatory crap away from him."

"But…"

"I know, Sam" I cut him off "It's important. Dean deserves time to get over this. Just for one day, please. Then we're back in the game."

"You got it" Sam nodded "But how we're gonna keep Dean away from Bobby and that Purgatory crap?"

I sighed and looked at the house. Dean was probably already with a booze by his side, drinking his feelings away.

"I'll find a way" I finally said and strode to the house with determination I didn't feel.

I had it enough. All evening Dean was drinking, hiding his emotions, pretending to be all right. He was reading another hunter's journal hoping to find a clue for the Purgatory. I gave Sam a sign and he nodded, then called Bobby and they both left the room. I approached Dean and when he reached for his glass full of whiskey I surprised him taking it first and drinking it at once. The liquid burned my throat but I didn't care. I could feel Dean's confused eyes fixed on me.

"What was that?" he asked, his voice gruff

"We need to talk" I said and sat next to him on the couch

"So you decided to drink my booze?"

"How are you, Dean?" I inquired, completely ignoring his comment

"Just peachy" he growled and reached for the bottle

"Dean…" the concern in my voice was obvious

"I said I'm fine"

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back so he'd be facing me

"You're everything but fine" I simply said, his expression stiffened "Lisa and Ben…"

"Don't!" he warned me, anger in his eyes but I could see the pain beyond it

"I'm not your brother, Dean. Your threats don't scare me."

"Just leave me alone"

"No." I insisted "You'll hear what I've got to say. I'm not saying you should talk about it. I'm just saying I know what they mean for you. I can't imagine what you feel. But I'm here for you. Whenever you need me, I'll be here…" I hesitated for a second "I'm worried about you. So are Sam and Bobby"

"I don't need some…"

"Stop it, Dean. You're not made of steel. It's okay to be hurt and need help from time to time, or support."

His features softened. He looked so vulnerable and hurt, his eyes were full of pain and emotions he was trying to hide and control.

"Just…" I gently reached and took the bottle from his hand "You and Sam have always been there for me. Let me be there for you. Let me take care of you" I pulled him for a hug and much to my surprise he didn't mind – his arms enveloped me and I squeezed him tighter.

Absent-mindedly my fingers drew patterns on his back, caressing and soothing him. I could feel how the pressure in him was slowly fading away. Time stopped and I felt blessed for the opportunity given to me. I pulled him closer to me and we remained silent. There wasn't much to be said – no words could have made the situation easier for him or made him feel better. But him knowing there was someone who was there for him… there was a minimal chance this to help him. Giving him my support I was hoping to reduce his pain at least a little bit, to give him some peace, to show him what warmth and comfort were because I knew he hadn't experienced them in a long time. I didn't know for how long we stayed like that, wrapped around one another but I felt calm and relieved. Those stolen minutes were a shred of paradise for me. I was selfish and didn't want this to end because my happiness always depended on Dean. If he was happy, that was enough reason for me to be happy too. I felt how the tension gradually left his body, his breath became deep and even. He was asleep and I smiled. Loving a Winchester wasn't easy. But it was worth it, even when the feelings weren't mutual. I was lucky to have him in my life. In that moment everything else was irrelevant.


End file.
